For the majority of the years I labored under the Christian banner my “walk” was constantly plagued by the nagging question “Is that it?” Is this all there is to this thing? Doesn’t it get any better? What’s all the hoopla about?

Being the good little Christian, however, I never voiced my rising concern. I was, after all, a “professional” Christian. I’d actually gone to school to do this. I “knew” how it worked.

And that was a big problem… I KNEW how it worked. Better stated, I knew how it DIDN’T work. But I was expected to have all the answers. Even more frightening, when I asked those who I deemed as “spiritual” what I was missing, I was told to not ask those sort of questions because they were “of Satan” and that I needed to work on my faith to make it stronger.

Decades–and a massive train wreck of epic proportions of my life and faith–later, I sit in awe. In awe of Abba. Honestly amazed at how I could so mess things up and he still be wanting me… me.

It seems so contradictory to wonder if there is “more” when you claim to believe in a Being who has created everything. How can my faith be so fragile if God has unlimited resources? How can he be real when my life is so unfulfilling? It just can’t be.

Either he is distracted and a liar or I’m missing something.

Experience has shown me that it is the “something” factor. When you discover the “something” it changes everything; it also makes a lot of folks uncomfortable.

Why wouldn’t it?

Everything changes while pursuing a “something” in a pit on a snowy day.