This may sound surprising to those of you who’ve seen me in action in Brasil.

I’m a fearless warrior who’ll take on tarantulas the size of a VW bug; I courageously enter rooms before the women-folk, killing spiders, tarantulas, scorpions, snakes and dinosaurs as though they were mere ants. And I do it at night, in poor lighting.

Either I’m getting soft in my older years or I’m being targeted by the relatives of all the critters I’ve “eliminated” in Brasil over the years. I really don’t think it’s the former. I think I’ve been put on a spider “hit list.”

I’m being stalked by a ninja spider!

It all started innocently Friday afternoon.

I opened the door of my vehicle. There was a small spider the size of a quarter on the door frame. As I went to send him to spider heaven, he jumped faster than lightning to the inside of the car, behind where the seat belt connects to the door frame. I peered around the frame and saw him, crouched and ready to spring. I slowly inched into the car to pick up a napkin to finish him off.

That was when it happened.

The moment I turned my head to reach the napkin, I saw a gray-black blur out of the  corner of my eye. He was leaping at my head!

Though my reflexes are good, in a confined space my ability to maneuver were limited. I spun to defend myself but hit the steering wheel. He had hit right above my right ear, drawing first blood. By the time I flew out of the car for better ground, he had disappeared, leaving me flailing away at my head like someone swatting a swarm of bees.

And just like that, he was gone!

I feverishly searched the car for him, but he had skillfully concealed himself, as talented ninja do.

Driving your car with the enemy artfully hiding within it is a bit disconcerting.

But all was quite until yesterday. He resurfaced…

First, he ran up my leg just as I was pushing in the clutch. I stalled the car in my furiously attempt to get him off me.

Then, he ran across my hand as it rested next to the window. I almost hit the car next to me trying to swat him.

Finally, he performed a perfect touch n’ go onto my neck. Fortunately, I was still in the parking lot at that time or I know I would have crashed.

Ever seen a grown man whimper?

He’s still in my car. And I have to drive it…