Aaah, the efficiency of the system . . .

Tech support: “Hello, how may we help you?”

Me: “We’re having a problem running a credit card transaction.”

Tech support: “And you are calling because . . .?”

Me: “We can’t charge a customer who is trying to pay us!”

Tech support: “Have you tried running their card?”

Me: “Yes!”

Tech support: “I see the problem, they bought the same thing from you yesterday.”

Me: “Why is that a problem?”

Tech support: “The system is designed to keep that from happening.”

Me: “Huh?”

Tech support: “If the same credit card ever charges the same amount, we designed our system to kick it out. This is for your protection.”

Me: “Huh?”

Tech support: “You can’t commit fraud if we can prevent the card from being used twice.”

Me: “How do I charge a customer who liked his smoothie and, just for the sake of being crazy, wanted to buy another one just like it the next day?”

Tech support: “We keep that from occurring. You would have to call tech support, explain what is happening and we will then override the transaction. You will have to request the customers credit card or debit card again and repeat the transaction.”

Me: “Huh?”

Tech support: “We’ve worked hard to develop the system so you are protected.”

Me: “You’ve worked hard to put me out of business!”

T: “Sir, there is no reason to be huffy!”

Me: “I just gave away a free smoothie, given the impression that we don’t have a clue what we’re doing, caused a customer to think I’ve charged him twice AND kept him waiting for almost 20 minutes . . .”

T: [cutting me off] “Sir, it is our job to protect you!”

Me: [disconnect]

Timeline, StarDate 10701.11, a new merchant for processing credit cards HAS been found . . .