Mondays always prove to be interesting days.

It seems that people sit around all weekend trying to figure out new ways to be sick and then say on Monday morning: “I know, let’s call Joe and see if he can figure this one out!”

Some of my phone calls so far today:

• “Uh, doc, every time I take my pharmaceutical drugs I get really nauseated, begin puking and have non-stop diarrhea. What’s wrong?”
• “Dr. Carr, every time I sleep on my right side I begin passing obnoxious gas. What do you think is causing this?”
• “My head is hurting! What’s wrong?”
• “Would you happen to know why my cat isn’t moving?
• “I wanted to let you know that I’ve not done what you told me to do and I’m not getting better. Why?”
• “My son is allergic to aloe and breaks out real bad when he takes it. If he is allergic to it, would I be allergic to it? (I asked if she had taken some aloe and what were the symptoms. To which she replied: “I’ve not taken any but I hit my hand with the hammer and it has swollen up. It looks kinda like a rash and I was concerned that it might be aloe.”)
• “I just ate two eggs. Is that bad for me?”

Sheesh! What am I, a source of Ripley’s Believe it or Not Strangest Medical Cases? Maybe that should be Ripley’s Book of Idiots! I’m not making these up.

It reminds me of a skeptical anthropologist who was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.

When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, “Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?”

That is how MY Monday is going! And it’s far from being over…